Lately I have been reading Tom Brown Jr.’s work. Such inspiration and such truth in his words. Such eye opening insights and calming revelations that can be found in the pages.
Reading his books, the “awakening spirits” and “Grandfather” and now getting into the “tracker” has been both painful and delightfuly awakening. It talks of mans connection and servitude to nature and hence the creator, or “Spirit-that-moves-through-all-things” coming to the truth that mans creation was to help protect and nurture the mother earth. Not to overcome it or “tame” it, which is how it is treated nowadays. It hurts my heart because I know these words to be true, however all I know is a society and a life that is seperate from nature.
Moments that I am in nature and fully submit to its simple peace I feel a torn serenity, a serenity that feels completely at peace and at one with the moment but also knows that I will have to step away and enter again the concrete reality that my life is centered around. A life based around purposless wondering and internal struggle. Tom talks about the wonder he experianced along with “granfather” his Native American guide that taught him growing up in the wilderness and how everything in nature filled them with wonder and purpose. Tom Brown talked about every track he saw as an irresistable mystery that he must follow. Nowadays almost everyone I know would feel as if they could die of boredom it they were told to study a deer track.
There are so many dreams in ones head. So many destinations one wishes to go. However most have a strong sense towards one dream or a motivation to make one way of life a reality. I know that I wish to be in the wild, living at one with my creator and love. But i am also torn betwen the comfort I have always known and my family. Ialso desire to be helpful in this society and love myself in it, which I doubt is possible! I feel as if I will never know my true purpose my ultimate dream! It frustrates me to no end. Like a book I have been engrosed in reading and before you get anywhere near the ending it ignites in flames forever lost. You can only guess the ending.
I try to have faith and stay positive that this way of peace and truth will find me. I search for it in modest scattered ways. Meditating with the sun and wind, loving and appreciating the natural love of my puppy, her beauty and smell of her fur in different seasons. I wish i could met the Grandfather Tom talks about so much in his books. To meet someone that has lived the way of the long lost way of the Native peoples of the Earth that we people now destroy and ignore. it makes me fel broken. However I do nothing about it. What can be done about it?
These thoughts I think many ignore because they are painful and make believe to themselves that they are negative to talk about or irrelivant to life. However they are just protecting the life that they have known and the mind ther ego has lived in. However under the pain that these thoughts cause me is a joy, a joy in knowing truth and connection.
However I plan on making more effort and confidence in my travels to my true self ( finding self love ) and hopefully it will guide me to my dream. I pray and hold hope and stay open.