“I wrote this awhile ago when I was in the process of overcoming and growing with myself. This is still a process today and I debating on posting it when I wrote it but after reading it again I decided I should share it.”
The heaviness and pain of self loathing is one that is often misunderstood to an outsider that has not dealt with this issue deeply. For me personally, the struggle to find my own worth had been the building blocks of my life. If you to have struggled with the feeling of self loathing, you know the heaviness that encompasses it. Self hate effects every aspect of ones life. It hinders you from experiencing things due to fear of not being enough, being afraid of failing because that it what you expect of yourself. I have turned down dates with people I like due to not knowing my worth as well as experiences. The questions that enter our thoughts due to our lack of knowing our worth are questions like “why bother they wont like me anyway”, “I will never be enough”, “I will probably fail at this”. All these thoughts are so heavy and so limiting. These feelings and thoughts hurt God I am sure to see us thinking these after all we are perfect creations of God. Just like a loving parent hates to see their child struggle, so does God seeing his children struggle with fear and doubt.
” After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” ( 1 Peter 5:10)
My experience with self hate had been one I experienced since I was little, i felt like an outcast, even with family I felt different. This thought of inadequacy had been my biggest life restriction as well as life expanding. My journey for self love pushed me to find myself and do things that help me grow and find my purpose. Because God has a purpose for us all and each and everyone of us has our own struggle I think God uses to guide things to what we need to learn and why we are here.
We are all here to love God and love each other. And struggling with self worth has truly given me compassion and empathy to understand others who also struggle with the same issues. Making sure to always be kind to everyone I meet because I do not know what struggles are going on in their mind and I would hate for anyone to feel the pain I have felt of not being worthy.
“Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31) God tells us this because if we do not love our neighbors we cannot know him because he is in all of our brothers and sisters here on Earth. And if we do no love ourselves we cannot purely love our neighbors. If we are judging ourselves so harshly for our past, for our looks or our expectations of our-self we in turn in some way or another project that into the people we meet and in our lives. We are all beautiful unique creations of God and our purpose is to spread his love.
I still struggle with worth don’t get me wrong it will be a life long struggle. however I have turned it into a tool for growth and feeling Gods love and mercy on my in times of mental upheaval. There have also been steps I have taken throughout my life that have lead me to peace.
1. Look in the mirror. Look into the mirror into the windows of your soul and say “I love you, God loves you, you are worthy.” Even though it may be hard or you do not believe what you are saying at all keep saying it until you feel a warmth over your heart. To me this warmth is Gods loving presence.
2. Do something that makes you happy. Make time in the week or even after time daily to do something that makes you happy, something you feel passionate towards. I do not mean go workout so you can look better, or play a a video game to escape reality for awhile. Those thing are great however do something that brings you into presence and gives you passion. we all have something. For me it is just going and sitting in nature and observing the birds and the light. I have a passion for nature and can see gods love in it. Some have a passion for drawing or dancing which are expressions of creation and of God.
3. Do something for others. Volunteer, give a honest compliment, show a smile or listen to an eldery person eager to share their thoughts. Every act of kindness is equal, and they bring us closer to god because they bring us closer to eachother. You can feel your worht and importance knowing that your loving presence through Christ makes the lives of others better.
4. Share. This can be the scariest because it puts us in the possibility of being rejected. However rejection if life and we can choose to let us bring us down or laugh it off. Go out and join a group of people who have the same interests as you. join a church youth group. Join a local hiking club, or book club. Or even join a blog where you can share your thoughts. Sharing is powerful and you will discover you are not alone in your struggles and I promise you will overcome fears and feel empowered and grow a love for yourself.
“I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this” (Psalm 139:14)
It is true all works of god are miraculous and pure. Our true natures are love and we are perfect in his creation. It is easy to read and comforting, I know however to truely believe we are perfect and loved and that something as amazing as god loves us is hard to believe I thought I was so hard to loved. No matter what you have done in the past or where you are right now God loves you the same and loves you unconditionally.